The Smile
by tampoposensei
Summary: Kakairu. The relationship from two POV. Kakashi intellectually, all genius. Iruka intuitively, all heart. Follows a parallel track to the manga up to about ch 138. Now finished.
1. The Smile

The Smile.

Hatake Kakashi wasn't lonely. He was lone. Solitary. He liked other people well enough, enjoyed their company while he was with them and when working as part of a team, but was always relieved to go home to his solitude. Being famous didn't help. It robbed him of the quiet anonymity most self-contained, self-sufficient people preferred. But even if he hadn't been famous he would still stand out in a crowd, white haired, one eyed, taller than most. So he hid his face behind a mask and his mask behind a book and pretended to ignore the world watching him.

Therefore it was with some surprise that he found himself watching someone else, around the edges of his book, the way he was accustomed to being watched. Of course he was always aware of everyone around him, who they were, what they were doing, the level of their potential threat. He was a jounin, it was second nature. But right now he was focused on the chuunin at the mission desk where he'd come to hand in his report on the day's mission. The dark haired man was sorting papers on its dark polished surface with the automatic efficiency of someone who sorted a lot of papers. His tanned nimble fingers were skimming through the stacks, shuffling, collating, filing, while his mind was clearly on something else. Kakashi couldn't help wondering what.

It was the scar that had attracted Kakashi's attention, a line over the top of each cheek joined by an arc across the bridge of the nose. Not a battle scar, at least not in the conventional sense. Not something that could have been caused by stabbing or slashing during a fight, and he knew every mark a blade could make on the human body. No this had been deliberately cut. Someone had sliced the tip of a knife across the contours of the chuunin's face, marking him forever. Most likely while he was tied up or while someone held him down.

He must have seen the man, and the scar, before. It was old and had faded to no more than a line on his tan skin. The reason Kakashi was noticing it now was that he had just killed a man with an almost identical scar. The man had been a bandit and his scar had registered as familiar, although it wasn't until now that he realised why. He hadn't felt good about the kill, it shouldn't have been necessary and he always preferred to capture thieves so that they could be dealt with properly. But the villagers who had paid for his protection had run out into the open, instead of staying where he'd told them, as soon as the rest of the men terrorising them were secured. That gave the scarred bandit the chance to snatch two small children as hostages. The only way to be completely sure of saving both kids, unharmed, was to kill silently from behind.

Kakaski studied the young man in uniform on the other side of the room. His skin was naturally dark, not weather hardened, it was much too fine and delicate. Probably ticklish too, Kakashi noted as the man brushed a stray lock of hair away from his face then scratched the back of his head, betraying a trace of agitation. How did this neat, modest chuunin, manning the mission desk during the last and least popular shift of the day, come to have the same scar as a vicious bandit?

He _was_ familiar, Kakashi knew that he had seen him here on a number of different occasions, but he wasn't one of the full time mission room staff. He must have some other job that took most of his time and just filled in here when he was needed. That he was willing to do so without the slightest hint of resentment suggested two things. That he had little else to do with his spare time, and that he had a willing and generous nature. The chuunin in question looked up, saw Kakashi waiting to hand in his report and smiled.

It was as if a window had opened into Kakashi's soul, pouring in golden sunlight, waking something that had been slumbering there for far too long. The smile was so sweet, so warm, so goddam beautiful that he stood in silence, behind his book, unwilling to break the spell.

"Hatake-san? Hatake-san, do you have a report for me?"

Kakashi lowered his book and crossed the distance between them in an instant, making eye contact for a second before the man lowered his eyelashes, thick dark lashes that any woman would envy, and bowed politely.

"Er yes, here." Kakashi slipped the book into his back pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of paper. The chuunin carefully smoothed it out against the top of the desk. The smile was gone and Kakashi felt suddenly deprived, next time he'd keep the paper flat.

"This seems to be in good order. Thank you for your hard work."

Another bow and yes! His pulse quickened. Another smile. Kakashi's eyes and lips curved upwards happily. He was tempted to linger but the mission room was now officially closed. So he turned and left with a cheerful wave. But he would be sure to find out when this man was on duty before he handed in his next report. He wanted to see that smile again.

Ooooooooooooooooooo

Umino Iruka liked working in the mission room. Of course he was a teacher and he loved teaching, he would never give that up. But really enjoyed spending a few hours in the company of shinobi who were _out there_ everyday. He'd only done a few missions since his appointment at the academy, and he missed the excitement a little. Not that teaching wasn't exciting in it's own way, and it was a challenge that few of even the most talented ninja's could rise to. But he liked hearing everyone's stories about their adventures, their battles, and the jutsus they'd used. And because everyone was expected to hand in their report in person it gave him the opportunity to spend a little time with some of the most elite jounin, who he would never have spoken to otherwise.

There was one elite jounin in particular that he liked to watch for. The most elite of them all in his opinion, Hatake Kakashi. He'd seen him here five times in the past and he'd been too shy to even look at him. Keeping his eyes lowered, bowing, and thanking him for his work. But it had been enough to simply breathe the same air for a few minutes. He never stayed long but never hurried either. It was in the hope of seeing him that Iruka always took the late shifts when he could, because Hatake-san had a reputation for handing in reports at the last possible moment, if not later.

Today he was in luck. The man he'd been watching for came into the room about ten minutes before he was due to close up. And he didn't hand in his report right away but stood slouched against the wall reading his book, as if he'd forgotten why he was there. Iruka didn't look at him directly but tried to catch him in his peripheral vision as he sorted reports into binders and filed them away. After a while he had the distinct impression that _he _was being watched, so he looked up to see who else was there, but they were the only two in the room. Of course now he had to acknowledge the other's presence. So he asked for the report.

"Hatake-san? Hatake-san, do you have a report for me?"

For just a moment their eyes met. Iruka was so surprised by the speed at which the other man had moved and the calm intensity in the single blue eye staring at him, that for once he didn't blush. He took the report, which looked as if it had been crammed into a back pocket for a week, and straightened it out. With anyone else he would have made them fill out a new one, but he doubted that he could string that many words together in front of this particular jounin. Anyway it was legible, and Iruka taught twelve year olds, he'd seen worse.

"This seems to be in good order. Thank you for your hard work."

Then something wonderful happened. Hatake Kakashi smiled at him, right at him. Iruka could distinctly see the curve of his mouth under the mask, and his eye crinkled into an arc so that the blue almost disappeared. The cold, almost hidden, assassin's face became the warmest, most open, most beautifully human thing he had ever seen. Emotion washed over him like a tidal wave. Fortunately Hatake-san turned away and didn't see him blushing as he fought furiously to reign in his chakra. He was surprised that the elite jounin didn't notice anyway. Perhaps he did, but of course he must have more important things to think about than the reactions of a lowly desk chuunin. But the stakes were raised for Iruka, now it wouldn't be enough to just be in the same room as Hatake Kakashi. He wanted to see that smile again.


	2. The Touch

Kakashi walked into the mission room at five minutes to six. He returned from his latest mission early that morning, running through the night and arriving at the village gate just as the first streaks of dawn brightened the eastern sky. After sleeping for a few hours he'd had his mission report filled out and ready to turn in by noon, but had waited. And although he was reluctant to admit it, even to himself, he knew why he had waited. Umino Iruka wouldn't be on duty until six. And for several months now, he had been deliberately timing his visits to the mission room to coincide with the times that he knew the chuunin school teacher would be there.

At first it had been nothing more than a passing fancy, the man was so damned cute when he blushed, and he blushed so damned easily. But recently it had become something closer to an obsession. Iruka's was the face he wanted to see when he returned to Konoha. The sweet scarred face that represented everything in the village that he fought for, risked his life for, and lived for. More than the Hokage, more than his dead parents and sensei, even more than the monument and Obito. The man whose smile made him aware that he was truly alive and that he wanted to return. Alive.

He had planned to wait until seven, or at least six thirty, but six o'clock found him leaning against the back wall of the mission room reading Icha Icha Paradise as if he hadn't moved from the spot since his last mission. At five minutes past six the door swung open and Iruka hurried in, clutching a pile of papers. Kakashi couldn't help noticing how deliciously flustered he looked as he bowed to Mizuki-sensei, who was at the desk, and started to apologise before being cut short by a friendly pat on the shoulder. Mizuki moved aside and watched as the dark-haired man set down his papers, straightened them into a neat pile, took out two pens, one red one black, and smiled at the two shinobi waiting to hand in reports. Then with a backwards glance he walked out of the door.

Kakashi took in every nuance of the way the other teacher had stood a little too close to Iruka, narrowed his eyes lecherously as he turned back towards him, and sauntered provocatively as he left the room. But it was the touch on the shoulder that made the breath catch in his throat. Seemingly so casual but in fact so very deliberate, with the tiniest squeeze of the fingertips for emphasis and the barest hint of a caress. How he envied Mizuki that brief contact.

Half an hour later they were the only two left in the room. He put away his book and watched the teacher grade papers for a few minutes. Making deft quick strokes with his red pen, frowning and smiling in turn, his touch sure and nimble as he transferred them from one neat pile to another. His students must have done well, the teacher's good mood was palpable. Finally, when Iruka put down his pen and was positively radiating warmth, Kakashi crossed the space between them and offered his report. Iruka looked up, startled, and reached for the paper. Kakashi released his grip and allowed the ungloved length of his fingers to trace a path along the other man's palm and wrist.

Kakashi hadn't planned to touch him, but seeing the other's hand only inches from his, he'd seized the chance to 'accidentally' stroke it, the chance to feel the heat and texture of the tan skin for himself. Iruka's eyes went wide as his mouth dropped open and he took in a sharp breath. The sudden flare of chakra almost threw Kakashi off balance and he could sense the teacher's heart racing wildly. Surely he hadn't frightened him? They must have exchanged enough smiles and pleasantries by now that he shouldn't be that intimidating, even if he was a well-known assassin. He took a step back and mumbled a brief apology.

"I'm sorry, please excuse me."

Then he fled.

At a safe distance from the mission room he raised his hand to his masked face, catching the trace of Iruka's scent before it faded, then let his fingers rest against his lips.

He stood like that, alone in the corridor, for a long time.

Iruka ran into the mission room five minutes late. Late! God knows he was the most average shinobi that Konoha had ever produced, but the one thing, the only thing probably, that he had going for him was his reputation for reliability and punctuality. Hard won after years of being the class clown. And as luck would have it _he_ was there, Hatake Kakashi, as if his heart wasn't pounding fast enough already. The silver-haired jounin was leaning against the mission room wall reading his book, paying no attention to anyone or anything. Iruka decided he'd have to ask what it was about one day, it seemed pretty good. Luckily Kakashi was too engrossed to notice how flushed and bothered he was as he took over from Mizuki. Unlike the jounin, who did everything as if time was a foreign concept, Mizuki was obviously in a hurry, not even staying long enough for him to apologize before brushing him off and hurrying out the door.

He helped the few people waiting to hand in reports then turned to his overdue grading. Kakashi didn't move, probably hadn't even noticed he was there. He was glad. It gave him the opportunity to be with him for a while, even if it was in silence, on opposite sides of the room.

Iruka stole a look at the other man, disguising the glance as an attempt to refocus his eyes after staring at his papers. The jounin he admired so much had come to know him a little, at least enough to recognise him. He always smiled back and greeted him warmly when they met, on the streets of Konoha as well as when he had a report to turn in. He'd noticed a definite improvement in the reports too, as if he had decided to take a little more care with them. Iruka hoped that it was because of his influence, because if it was, then it meant that the other man at least acknowledged him a tiny bit. And a tiny bit was all he needed.

He knew that he was completely infatuated and that his feelings couldn't possibly be anything but hopeless, but didn't care. When Kakashi was away he lived for the day of his return. Not that he thought he wouldn't, not really, he was Hatake Kakashi and he was undefeatable, unbeatable, perfect. But without him the village was a greyer, duller place, and when he came back, when there was a chance of seeing him, he filled it with sparkle and colour.

As he read through copy after copy of the same answers he let his mind wander pleasurably. Wondering what the sharigan eye really looked like, what Kakashi's face looked like. The only visible parts of the other man were the fingers of his right hand, curled around the book he was holding in front of his face, his left hand stuffed in his pocket. Iruka's gaze lingered on the pale fingers, so slender, so elegant. Fingers whose touch would be the last memory for so many. Strong hands that had killed often and yet, he knew from reading the reports, had been merciful to so many more. How would it feel to have those lethal fingers against his skin? He held his breath and closed his eyes, then lowering his hands behind the desk he ran the fingertips of his right hand over the back of his left.

His eyes blinked open and Hatake Kakashi was standing in front of him, report in hand. He looked up in shock and took hold of the paper automatically. Then as the other man pulled his hand away it accidentally grazed across his. Iruka reacted so suddenly and so excessively that, no surprise, the poor man couldn't wait to get out of there. But he still had the good grace to apologise.

"I'm sorry, please excuse me."

And then he was gone.

Iruka was mortified that his stupid over reaction had chased him away. But he would worry about that later. For now at least, he still had Kakashi's touch on his hand. He could feel its weight like a layer of gold, tingling like an electrical charge. Raising his palm to his cheek he brushed it against his skin, then put it to his lips and kissed it tenderly.

He sat like that, alone in the mission room, for a long time.


	3. The Kiss

Kakashi crouched in the tree opposite the ninja academy, watching the vibrant blur that was Konoha's future pour out of their classrooms. So he was to take on another genin team. He didn't like training genins. Not that he had ever really had to, none had ever passed his bell test. But even the idea of that level of involvement in other people's lives was… disturbing. And they were children, children with families, more people for him to deal with. Why couldn't Sandaime just leave him to do what he was good at?

He waited, silent and still as the tree itself, as the last exuberant figure scooted out of sight. A wild, golden-haired boy, full of noise and untamed energy. Even his clothes were too loud and too bright. He certainly hoped he wouldn't be given anyone like that to deal with. Kakashi lowered his legs over the branch and sat, looking despondently at the now empty building. Except… it wasn't quite empty. His keen eye caught the flicker of movement inside one of the classrooms. Of course, the children had left but no doubt many of the teachers still had work to do. Maybe even _his_ teacher.

Kakashi had deliberately avoided Umino Iruka since he had frightened the poor man half out of his wits in the mission room, two months ago. But he hadn't forgotten him. In fact he thought of him constantly. Holding in his mind the image of a sweet tan face, usually with a shading of blush. Lowered eyes behind full dark lashes, and the smell of skin and soap. But still, it would be nice to actually see him. The thought that the teacher was _right there, _just the other side of the courtyard, it was too sweet an opportunity to ignore.

He leapt from the tree to the classroom window silently, invisibly. Iruka was busy at the back of the room either taking something out or putting it away. Kakashi made his way to the doorway. He could stand outside the room, leaving the other man secure in his own territory and talk about the kids. They were a legitimate topic of conversation. He'd be getting some of them soon after all.

"Iruka-sensei, I hope I'm not disturbing you. I've just heard I'll be getting a genin team. I wondered if there was anything you could tell me about this year's crop?"

The teacher spun around, shuriken in hand. Kakashi stifled the instinct to draw one of his own.

It's a training weapon, for the kids. You're trying not to frighten him remember!

"Hatake-san, er please come in, can I make you some tea?"

The chuunin started across the room. Kakashi met him way more than half way. "Tea? Yes. That would be very nice."

They stood, separated by a child's desk, as the silence between them stretched into awkwardness. A familiar blush started to spread across the top of Iruka's cheeks. Kakashi cursed himself for his reflexes. Why did he have to move so damn fast? Couldn't he forget that he was a jounin and just be a human being for once? And hadn't he planned to stay _outside_ the classroom? There had to be something that he could do to put the other man at ease, to show his human side. In a moment of inspiration he pulled down his mask.

Iruka stared at him in shock. Was it a mistake to take it off? Was he even more scary without it? The teacher raised a shaking hand to Kakashi's face and traced the outline of his cheek and jaw. The hand was joined by another as they slipped back, below the line of his headband, and threaded fingers through the shorter hair at the back of his head. Kakashi held his breath and stood as still as stone, all his focus on the sensation of those hands ghosting across his skin. Iruka took a deep breath, deep enough for both of them. Then, his whole body trembling, he leant across the desk and gently touched their lips together.

Without breaking contact for a moment Kakashi slid over the desk. He pressed into the kiss, probing deeply with his tongue, getting a tentative, then an enthusiastic response. Hungry for more he pulled Iruka against him, encouraged by the teacher's hands fisted in his hair. How had he believed that he could be happy with just a memory of this face? Been willing to settle for so little? _This_ was what he wanted, lips against his lips, flesh against his flesh. Iruka in his arms. He felt limp, dizzy, every nerve in his body tingling. His senses saturated with the smell, feel, sight, sound and taste of Iruka.

Now he realised that the glimpse of pure emotion he'd seen in that first smile, in the mission room so many months ago, was just that. A first glimpse. A fleeting look at the beast through a cracked-open door. For with this kiss the door had been flung open and he could see the great golden creature whole, and already it wasn't enough. Now he wanted everything. The beast's name was true love, one of the most powerful and terrifying monsters in existence and he had looked into its eyes. He wanted it to devour him, and Iruka. Together. He wanted to be Iruka's and for Iruka to be his. Completely. He wouldn't accept anything less.

Kakashi pulled away breathlessly and took in the look of joy, bewilderment and lust on the teacher's flushed face. Yes he would have it all, but not yet, he wouldn't risk frightening him again. He held the other man close and, pulling back his shirt, ran the tip of his tongue slowly from shoulder to earlobe, sucking gently when he got there. Iruka melted in his grip, breath catching in his throat as he sighed in pleasure. Kakashi brushed their lips together one more time then pulled up his mask, and left.

Tomorrow he'd come back to see if he was offered another kiss. He'd let Iruka set the pace. The beast could wait awhile, but he'd be ready for it. He had been for a long time.

Oooooooooooooooooooo

It had been a very difficult day for Umino Iruka. Naruto and Sasuske had been as bad as they get, which was bad. And if anything the girls were worse. Why had he agreed to teach pre-genins? The little ones were so adorable, so loving, so obedient and anxious to please. But this age? When the girls developed into women's bodies overnight and grew four inches taller than the boys, but still had the _minds_ of children? And the boys started to feel the needs and desires of an adult while still trapped in the _bodies_ of children?

He knew why. Because this was the age when children rejected routine obedience to their parents but had not yet developed a mature will of their own. This was the one time in their lives when they would open themselves to whoever was there to guide them. And he wanted to be the one to reach into that space and turn the path of their lives along the right track. Because Sandaime had reached him at just this age and turned his life back, away from the direction he was letting it wander, away from waste, unhappiness and regret.

He wanted to be the one to reach them because he knew he could. It wasn't a talent he had learned, or earned, or even deserved, but it was there. Sandaime had seen it in him when he had appointed him as a teacher, he'd had his doubts at first, but the old man had been right and he had his successes to prove it.

Naruto tore out of the door, dead last as usual, screaming something at Sasuke. He smiled affectionately, well he'd have at least another year to work on that one, there was no way _he'd_ be ready to graduate.

With a weary sigh he turned to clear away the weapons scattered at the back of the room. The lesson was supposed to have been pure theory, and on _unarmed_ combat. But they were ninjas, it was to be expected. When he was finished he would still have a few hours to kill before his shift in the mission room started. His work there had always been his break from teaching, his chance to be with the 'grown-ups' for a while. But it had lost much of its appeal in the past couple of months. The reason was simple. Hatake Kakashi didn't come into the mission room anymore, at least not when he was there.

He hadn't seen the man since that fateful day when their hands had accidentally touched, and in an off guard moment he had let the full extent of his feelings show. It had only been for a fraction of a second, but Hakate-san was the best, the briefest moment was all he needed to sum up another's intent. Obviously the elite jounin had no time or interest in having love-sick chuunins, afraid of their own emotions, mooning over him. His reports were still filed, as messy, disordered and late as ever. But they hadn't been given to him.

He was roused from his thoughts by a voice at the classroom door, deep, languorous, familiar.

"Iruka-sensei, I hope I'm not disturbing you. I've just heard I'll be getting a genin team. I wondered if there was anything you could tell me about this year's crop?"

It couldn't be! He turned around and there was the familiar form, silhouetted in the bright doorway. Shaggy hair, lean slouched figure, everything but the book. Hatake Kakashi.

Iruka opened his mouth and words came out, but he didn't even know what they were. He put down whatever was in his hand and made his way towards the front of the classroom. He'd hardly gone more than a few paces when Kakashi was in front of him separated by the mere width of a classroom desk. Hatake-san was here, in his classroom. He'd come to see _him_. Iruka's stomach tightened and twisted, feeling empty and filled with rocks at the same time. He could see the lips under the jounin's mask moving but the pounding of his heart blocked out the sound.

Then Kakashi pulled down his mask.

Iruka's heart skipped a beat, several beats, maybe it had stopped completely. He raised a hand, shaking way beyond his control, to the bare face in front of him and traced its contours with his fingertips, unable to believe such perfection could exist from the evidence of his eyes alone. Then he decided. Or something decided for him. This chance would never, could never, come again. He held the back of the man's head, took a deep breath, and kissed him.

Suddenly Kakashi was all over him, hands, thighs, lips, tongue. It was heaven, ecstasy. Iruka gave up all attempts at reason and surrendered to it, willing the man not to stop, to hold him forever, to be held forever, their bodies molded into one. Then as suddenly as he had arrived he was gone.

Iruka wandered over to the sink in a daze and started to fill his teakettle. What had just happened? It was all so fast, was it an hallucination brought on by the stress of the genin exams coming up, or had Kakashi really been here and had he really kissed him?

And why the hell was he making tea?


	4. The Rival

_A brief author's note, if I may be permitted. I wrote the first of these snapshots 'The Smile', with the film Rashomon by Akira Kurasawa in Mind. In it four witnesses all describe the same crime, and of course their descriptions are all completely different. I wanted to do a 'first' meeting between the guys with two very different takes._

The Rival.

Hatake Kakashi was crouched in the tree outside the ninja academy. Again. After three weeks. The mission he'd just returned from, reconnoiter and report on an apparent flurry of activity in the Hidden Sound vicinity, had been fairly straightforward and shouldn't have taken more than two. But the one time he was anxious to rush home he'd run into… complications, on the way back. An old enemy from Cloud looking to make a name for himself. Along with a couple of apprentices, who, as he had suspected, were more slaves than willing recruits. It had taken time to defeat the one without harming the others. Now that he _was _back he should go and check in with the Hokage, file his report. Fuck. So what if it was late, it wouldn't be the first time. Right now _this_ was more important.

Kakashi was there watching. Waiting and watching the movements of the man inside, as he appeared and disappeared in and out of his line of sight. Away for three weeks and back for an hour and this was where he'd ended up. The classroom where Umino Iruka had kissed him. That one unforgettable kiss that had drawn him back to this place like an irresistible force. The memory of the other man's taste and touch started tingling on his lips and tongue, just from seeing him again. He licked his lips as if he could recapture it, continue backwards in time to where he'd left off three weeks ago.

His attraction to this teacher… intrigued him, his intensely analytic mind just could not come to grips with it. Of course Iruka was attracted to _him_, he'd been slow on the uptake but he knew that now. In his defense many people were attracted to him, for his so called 'fame' and so called 'mystery', and he'd become accustomed to filtering out that aspect of any human interaction long ago. But dammit, Iruka was different. The dull ache of yearning in the centre of his chest throbbed every time the teacher stepped into view. He wanted him, God how he wanted him. But was this budding relationship really such a good idea? His life was dangerous. Did Iruka _really_ understand that? _Could _a chuunin schoolteacher understand the dangers a jounin faced on an A class mission? If he let the man love him the way he wanted to be loved, what would happen if… when he died? Perhaps it was just as well that he'd been sent away right after that first kiss.

So right now he had to see Iruka and explain, _make_ him understand, for both their sakes. And he would, as soon as he came out of that classroom. Inside was far too private. If they were alone together, well, he could feel the flame that had been kindled inside him. He hadn't wanted anyone this much in a very long time and love was a cunning monster, he knew he shouldn't give it such an easy opportunity. Because he was a cunning bastard too. With him as its tool the poor guy wouldn't have a chance.

As he waited, quiet and still as a midday owl, he saw someone enter the classroom from an inside door. It was a tall white-haired man, that other chuunin teacher who worked the mission room sometimes, Mizuki. He could sense the tension in Iruka's body from a hundred yards away. The two teachers talked for a few minutes. Then Mezuki grabbed Iruka's arm, Kakashi bristled with outrage. Sliding out of the tree, he appeared at the classroom's outer door, poised to strike if he needed to. No one manhandled _his _Iruka like that. The door swung open in his face and Mizuki stepped out.

They stared at each other, Kakashi lazily with a calculated hint of amusement, Mizuki with chilling intensity. Kakashi understood. They were rivals for Iruka's love, a contest that _he _had already won. The look on Mizuki's face, the hardness around the eyes and the mouth reduced to a thin white line, told him that _he_ knew it too. Kakashi almost laughed. This man wasn't used to losing, but there was nothing the chuunin could do to threaten _him_. Mizuki would just have to deal with it, suck it up. The beast could be a cruel monster, no one ever claimed that love was fair.

Kakashi caught the door before it closed and stepped into the classroom, just as Iruka was lowering himself onto the corner of a bench. He sighed wearily and looked up, and as he did all the conflicted emotions on his scarred face gave way to happiness.

"Hatake-san, when…? I didn't know you were back."

So he wasn't about to discuss Mizuki. It didn't matter, he could guess most of it and village gossip would supply the rest of the details soon enough. "No one does."

"You mean you haven't reported in? Then you have to go, you're three days late, they'll be waiting for you."

Kakashi smiled behind his mask at the shocked tone. Coming from anyone else he'd have considered the remark pathetically tight arsed, but when Iruka said it, it just sounded sweet. "I wanted to talk to you first."

"Me! But why on earth…?"

Did he really have to explain everything? "It was a good kiss."

The teacher blushed delightfully. "I thought so too."

Kakashi could feel the golden beast standing over them ready to pounce, he had to act now. "You shouldn't get involved with a jounin, it's too dangerous."

The teacher's voice trembled slightly. "But you wouldn't… No Leaf ninja would ever harm one of his comrades."

Kakashi didn't smile this time. Was the man being deliberately dense? He crouched next to him, resisting the urge to kiss some sense into the lovely fool. "Of course not. But my life is dangerous, if you… if we… It could cause you… grief."

"Oh that. Don't you think it should be for me to decide?"

That was unexpected, so he _had_ thought about it. He looked at Iruka's face closely, noting the small furrow between his brows and the same shadow of sadness in the eyes that he saw in his mirror. It was the face of a man who had already suffered tragic loss. Apparently the teacher did understand, did know what he was talking about. "You think you can live with that?"

Iruka nodded.

Kakaski felt his carefully reined in hopes break free. The beast had moved too fast, even for him, it had already swallowed them both. Whole. He wrapped his arms around the chuunin and stood up, pulling them both to their feet. The other man took a step closer and pressed into him, thighs to thighs, hips to hips, chest to chest. The shimmer in Iruka's chakra was as enticing and as inviting as the growing heat he could feel from his groin.

Kakashi adjusted his position so that they each had a thigh between the other's legs, creating deliciously intimate friction. When he spoke his voice came out _much _deeper than he had intended.

"So where do we go from here?"

He could feel Iruka's heart pounding against his chest, the glow of his flushed skin through the fabric of his mask. The shimmer in his chakra threatening to become a raging tempest.

Hot breath rasped the answer into his ear. "_We_ aren't going anywhere, _you_ are going to go and report in to the Hokage."

Kakashi's eye curved up in an indulgent smile. Uh oh, the man was strict. Getting involved with a schoolteacher was going to have its hazards too.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Umino Uruka had too much work and too little time. There were class rankings, scoring rubrics and a seemingly unending list of other tasks that had to be finished before the graduation exam in two days. Normally he would be on top of all this paperwork, but Naruto had been especially difficult. Sneaking out of class and causing trouble every day for the past week. He supposed it was partly his fault for being so distracted, giving the boy the chance to get past him. Kakashi should be back by now.

Iruka had worked out the specs for that mission himself. Eighteen days estimated duration, for a normal shinobi. Kakashi should have completed it in at least two days less. But now the twenty first day was more than half over. Why was Kakashi late? Was he avoiding him because he'd kissed him? He'd seemed willing enough at the time but Hakate Kakashi was notoriously shy of personal involvement on anything more than a professional level. Iruka wished his workload hadn't forced him to give up his shift in the mission room. He wanted to be there, to watch for the other man's return. The other possible reason for him being late kept niggling in the back of his brain. Maybe the mission was more difficult than he'd estimated, maybe it should have been a two-man team, maybe Kakashi was hurt. And the thought he tried to crush hardest of all, maybe something terrible had happened and he wouldn't come back at all this time.

Suddenly his heart skipped a beat as a tall white-haired figure walked into the room. His disappointment, when he realized that it wasn't the man he'd been hoping for, must have shown because he noticed Mizuki quickly suppress a scowl and replace it with his pretty, sunny smile.

"Still working on all this stuff? How about taking a break in a little while and getting something to eat?"

Iruka shifted uneasily, why was Mizuki asking him now? They'd worked together for a couple of years already and he'd never asked him to share a meal before. "Er thanks but no thanks. There's just too much to do. I'm going to work straight through."

Mizuki stood close, too close. "Iruka, don't you realise that I know what it means when you start working yourself silly. I flatter myself that I'm the reason you ended up doing as well at school as you did. Who is it this time?"

Iruka stared at the ground, damn this blushing. "I really don't think it's any of your business."

Mizuki's voice took on a harder edge. "Iruka look at me. I still care about you, I always have. We were good together. Letting you go was the biggest mistake I ever made."

He didn't look up, he could feel a knot of anger and hurt forming in the center of his chest. "Anything between us was over a long time ago, and you were the one that ended it."

Muzuki grabbed his arm and jerked it, making him look up at last. "Just because I haven't fucked you in a few years doesn't mean that you're not still mine. I damn well won't let anyone else have you."

Iruka pulled his arm away. "Dammit, I'm not the needy kid I was in school. I'm a successful teacher, a very successful teacher and it's not up to you to decide who does or doesn't 'have' me." He took a deep breath while he tried to control his rage. "But… we still work together. As far as I'm concerned this conversation never took place."

His fear and uncertainty about Kakashi, combined with this old pain and anger, was almost more than he could stand. Iruka sat on the edge of the front bench before his knees gave out under him. Mizuki was still there, he could feel him standing over him. Why did the man insist on making this worse than it had to be? He formed the resolve to tell him to get out one more time, and looked up into a masked face and a single blue eye.

All thought of Mizuki vanished, as if the man himself had vanished, had never existed. "Hatake-san, when…? I didn't know you were back."

"No one does."

Iruka was shocked, didn't he know that he was late, that people were worried about him? "You mean you haven't reported in? Then you have to go, you're three days late, they'll be waiting for you."

"I wanted to talk to you first."

Talk to him! That was ridiculous, the Hokage was waiting. "Me! But why on earth…?"

"It was a good kiss."

Oh. Iruka felt blood rushing to his cheeks. "I thought so too."

Kakashi's barely visible face seemed different suddenly, or maybe it was the tone of his voice. "You shouldn't get involved with a jounin, it's too dangerous."

Surely he wasn't suggesting that he might get violent. Mizuki had become quite threatening a few times when he was jealous but had never actually hurt him, and a jounin should have more control. "But you wouldn't... No Leaf ninja would ever harm one of his comrades."

Kakshi crouched down to his level, staring eye to eyes. "Of course not. But my life is dangerous, if you… if we… It could cause you… grief."

That was all? Thank God. "Oh that. Don't you think it should be for me to decide?"

"You think you can live with that?"

Hell yes, he'd been living with it for a long time now. But Kakashi was strong, a genius, the best, no one could defeat him. It was a mantra Iruka repeated every time he was away. He nodded.

Suddenly he was on his feet, wrapped in an embrace, folded into the other man's aura, his body on fire with desire. He heard a growl in his ear.

"So where do we go from here?"

Where? He didn't care where, the floor, the desk. Maybe, just maybe Kakashi could be his. Except. Kakashi was Konoha's first, he desperately struggled against the need radiating from his rapidly hardening crotch, intensified by Kakashi rubbing his thigh against it, and at the same time rubbing a distinctive hardness against the soft inner part of _his_ thigh.

He closed his eyes trying to ignore the little flashes of coloured lights behind them. He may not be a jounin but he had control when he needed it. This called for his strictest 'teacher voice'. "_We_ aren't going anywhere, _you_ are going to go and report in to the Hokage."

His eyes were still closed tight, but somehow he just knew that Kakashi was smiling.


	5. The Victim

Hospitals were always dismal places, but prison hospitals were desolate. Hatake Kakashi stood outside the hospital wing of Konoha prison, considering whether he really wanted to go in there or not. He had been in Suna when the news reached him that Iruka-sensei had been attacked by one of the other academy teachers. So he'd handed over his message and run home. Running through the desert, through the heat of the day, goaded by fear and guilt. No one had mentioned _which_ teacher was the attacker, no one had had to. He remembered the look in Mizuki-sensei's eyes only too well. And it hadn't surprised him in the least that Mizuki had also tried to steal forbidden power.

Kakashi was probably the only one who to understand _why_ he would want it. He must have thought the forbidden jutsu's would give a chuunin the strength to overpower even a genius jounin. The damn stupid fool. Yes, Kakashi understood well enough, and might almost have been willing to forgive. Almost. If Mizuki hadn't tried to kill Iruka when he realised that he would never get him back. _That_ was unforgivable. Kakashi stepped up to the electric gate and nodded to the guard on duty. The thought of how close he had come to losing the man, the precious person that he'd dared to start thinking of as 'his', made his fingers curl into tight fists until his fingernails were cutting into the palms of his hands. The gate opened with a dull metallic 'clunk' and he walked through, wrinkling his nose at the sour odours of disinfectant and confined humanity.

He said the criminal's name to a guard inside and was led into a too bright corridor. Sounds echoed off the hard surfaces all around. Quiet sounds mostly, whispers, grunts, sighs, inadequate attempts to conceal raw pain and rawer emotions. Kakashi hated this place, he'd sooner die than be stripped of all privacy and dignity like this. It was the first time he'd ever been here outside his official duties, with any luck it would be the last. He really wasn't sure why he was here now, except, maybe he needed to witness for himself what love could reduce a man to, when the beast was denied. For some reason he needed to see Mizuki before he could go to Iruka.

It wasn't to be, Iruka's presence marked the prison hallway long before he followed the guard around the corner and saw him. Kakashi looked him over from an emotionally safe distance. The sheer quantity of bandages wrapped around the man's body was horrifying, horror that was eased only slightly by seeing how fluidly he was still able to walk. But why _was_ Iruka here? Not to gloat surely? That wasn't in his nature. Kakashi watched as the teacher peered through the small window in the door leading to the medical ward. Did he still have feelings for the creep who'd tried to kill him, underneath the underneath? Kakashi was torn between conflicting urges to jutsu out of sight or to rush over, scoop the lovely man into his arms, and cover him with kisses.

He compromised, walking over to him casually, as if he was an old friend he'd spotted in the park on a Sunday afternoon. "Iruka-sensei, why aren't you in the hospital?"

Iruka startled visibly. "Hatake-san?"

Aargh, he'd never corrected him on that. "I think we're _way_ past the formal stage, Kakashi's better."

"Right, Kakashi. Well er, I was, but they patched me up and let me go yesterday. But when did you get back?"

"About twenty minutes ago, but don't worry I've already reported in." He smiled making his eye curve into its happy crescent. Of course he wouldn't have, yet, if he hadn't needed the Hokage's permission to see Mizuki.

Iruka blushed. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I had no idea when I had you report in before, that you'd get sent straight back out again."

The teacher glanced over at the guard, who was conversing in monosyllables with the Anbu posted outside the ward. His blush deepened. "Maybe we'll get a chance to pick up where we left off… later."

Well that was a good sign. That Iruka wanted sex with him. Especially when his rival was so close. Even if his desire _was_ fed more by a need to feel wanted than by genuine lust. Kakashi resisted the urge to uncover his eye, not wise in this place, with the Anbu watching. He stepped around to Iruka's other side so that his body blocked the guard's view and ran his hand down the length of his back, feeling the bandages beneath the uniform and the heat of damaged flesh beneath the bandages. "How many stitches?"

"About twenty something I think. But not all there, there are some in my legs too."

Closer to thirty, and some broken ribs from the way he was breathing. He shook his head almost imperceptibly. "Too many, better give it a week to heal."

He watched disappointment etch down-turned lines over the teacher's face, _now_ was the moment to ask the big question, now while he was emotionally wide open. "So what are you doing here?"

Iruka's eyes met his, startlingly clear, brutally honest. "I… I just had to see him again."

Kakashi felt his heart sink.

"You see I loved him once, and he… well he dumped me. I wanted to make sure that whatever feelings I once had for him hadn't turned to hate. He tried to kill one of my students, but I don't want to that to make me hate him. I don't want to be that kind of person."

This man was to perfect to be true. Kakashi had no idea what is was he'd done to deserve him, but whatever it was, thank God. He waved to the guard to open the door. "So shall we go in?"

There was only one occupied bed. Kakashi stared at the pathetic wretch who'd dared defy true love. This was proof of what the monster could do. Iruka had some scars where it had got its claws in him but the beast had vented its full rage on Mizuki. It had chewed him up, swallowed him and crapped him out. Everything about him that had once been the mark of a proud shinobi had become a parody of itself. Love had turned to hate, trust to betrayal, loyalty to treason. The only driving force left in his life was spite.

A pair of blue eyes in a bandaged face tracked towards them. "That demon kid of yours did quite a number on me. I heard you decided to graduate him after all."

Kakashi felt Iruka's hand reaching for his. "I think he showed that he deserved it."

"Yeah well." Mizuki's quick eyes darted from Iruka to Kakashi and back. "You'll have to be careful which jounin-sensei you give him to, it will take someone _sane_ and _responsible_ to handle that kind of power."

Iruka smiled then looked at Kakashi, eyes glowing. "He's a good kid, I don't think it will be a problem."

Kakashi put his arm around Iruka's waist, protectively, possessively. So that's why he was here, _he_ had come to gloat.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Iruka could hear the guards whispering as they let him into the prison hospital and searched him for weapons. He knew what they all thought, but he didn't care. He had his own reasons for being here and he wasn't about to share them. He'd spent most of the previous evening feeding Ramen to Naruto, trying not to bleed through his bandages, and trying to impress on the boy what being a ninja was all about, when he'd just been shown such a spectacular example of what it shouldn't be about. But Naruto was still obsessed with power, with the idea of becoming the Hokage.

And the damnedest thing was he could, the boy actually had it in him to be Hokage. He's seen that when the kid had protected him from Mizuki. But not if he was driven by hate. Naruto had remarkably little hate in him, all things considered. The brat had aggravated him almost to the breaking point many times, but out of mischief, not malice. It wasn't really until Sondaime had driven it home to him that he'd realised how tough the poor kid had had it all these years. After all we all have our demons within us, but Naruto was the only one who had absolutely no personal responsibility for his.

Which was why Iruka was now in the corridor outside the medical ward of Konoha prison, peering through the steel reinforced glass, trying to catch a glimpse of Mizuki. If Naruto was going to choose him as a role model, and it seemed he had, the one emotion he could not show was hate. Iruka knew that he'd never been able to control his emotions the way a good shinobi should. In some ways it didn't matter, teaching children required honesty above all. They could sense the slightest hint of phoniness a mile away. Although he did wish he didn't loose his temper quite so dramatically. But hate was something different, an insidious evil, one he couldn't allow himself, and if he hated anyone it was the man behind that door. The man who'd used his position as a teacher to trick, frame and then try to murder a vulnerable child.

"Iruka-sensei, why aren't you in the hospital?"

He spun around, suddenly afraid that Mizuki had found a way to creep up behind him. His back tingled painfully as white hair registered on his consciousness, then the rest of the man came into focus. "Hatake-san?"

"I think we're _way_ past the formal stage, Kakashi's better."

It came out sounding like a tease, especially with the little pout that he could make out through the jounin's mask. But he did have a point. "Right, Kakashi. Well er, I was, but they patched me up and let me go yesterday. But when did you get back?"

"About twenty minutes ago, but don't worry I've already reported in."

Iruka felt his cheeks reddening. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I had no idea when I had you report in before, that you'd get sent straight back out again."

He hadn't either. In fact he'd been devastated when Kakashi hadn't come back to his classroom that day, assuming that he must have taken his insistence that he report in before… anything else, as a rejection. He hadn't been reassured when he went over to the mission room either and had found that Kakashi had taken another mission to go off to Suna, immediately. Then he'd found out that the only other jounin available to take the message was Hayate, and it had all made sense. The dust storms in the desert were particularly bad at this time of year and Hayate's lungs had been bad recently too.

But now Kakashi was back. Iruka looked over at the guards to make sure they couldn't hear. His face must be crimson by now. "Maybe we'll get a chance to pick up where we left off… later."

Suddenly Kakashi was on the other side of him, with the amount of time he spent around jounins you'd think it wouldn't startle him so much by now. There was a firm but gentle hand running along the length of his spine, it felt good, very good. Now if only he'd stroke a little lower.

"How many stitches?"

Damn. Well there was no point lying, he'd be able to tell. "About twenty something I think. But not all there, there are some in my legs too."

He looked at the other man hopefully. He was one of the most active field shinobi, a former Anbu, he must have had worse injuries than this. But no, the white hair twitched in a quick head-shake.

"Too many, better give it a week to heal."

A week! No! He couldn't wait a week, not when he'd been so close just a few days ago.

Kakashi's voice broke through his dismay. "So what are you doing here?"

Where, oh yes. Mizuki. He'd come to see Mizuki. Somehow Kakashi drove all other thoughts from his brain. "I… I just had to see him again."

There was a long still pause.

He owed Kakashi more explanation than that. "You see I loved him once, and he… well he dumped me. I wanted to make sure that whatever feelings I once had for him hadn't turned to hate. He tried to kill one of my students, but I don't want that to make me hate him. I don't want to be that kind of person."

He wasn't sure what else he could say.

It seemed to be enough. Kakashi's next question was much easier to answer. "So shall we go in?"

Iruka walked over to the bed where Mizuki was lying, and looked at the badly damaged man, trying to feel past all the hurt and confusion to the core of his emotional reaction. The one time in his life when he wanted his emotions 'out there' and they were trapped inside.

Then Mizuki spoke, a hoarse croak compared with the rich full voice that Iruka had known so well. "That demon kid of yours did quite a number on me. I heard you decided to graduate him after all."

Demon kid.

That broke the logjam. Iruka shivered, he felt afraid, for Naruto and for himself. Mizuki would still kill them both if he could. How many others felt the same? But he didn't hate him for it, the overwhelming emotion he felt was pity. Mizuki was a piteous creature who'd denied himself any chance of love and normal human relationships. Iruka found Kakashi's hand and squeezed it gently, Kakashi's presence next to him was like a pillar of strength, a sustaining force. Mizuki's rejection, although brutal at the time, had been a lucky break for him. He'd moved on, to something much better.

"I think he showed that he deserved it."

"Yeah well." He saw Mizuki glance over to Kakashi. "You'll have to be careful which jounin-sensei you give him to, it will take someone _sane_ and _responsible_ to handle that kind of power."

Iruka smiled, he was pretty sure he knew of a damn good jounin-sensei. A genius with the insight to see Naruto's strengths, but the force of personality needed to instill some discipline. If would be fun watching the two people he loved best get to know each other.

"He's a good kid, I don't think it will be a problem."

He felt Kakashi's arm around his waist. Love was a greater force than hate. It _wasn't_ going to be a problem.


	6. The Date

Kakashi had to admit that he was starting to enjoy working with genins. Not teaching them, exactly, they'd done all the learning they'd need for a while during their years in the academy. What these budding ninjas needed _now_ was a guide to help them to become full-blown flowers, violets or orchids, it didn't matter, as long as they reached whatever potential they had. Someone to coax and cajole, to inspire and infuriate. So that's what he was doing, and it was fun. More fun than he'd had in years. Than he'd had… ever.

They were an interesting mix, the loud brash kyuubi boy, the sullen silent Uchiha, and the girl, so polite and proper, but with a spirit about as refined and restrained as a fishwife's. And only two parents to second-guess him between the lot of them. So far they'd only done a handful of simple D class missions, but were already starting to actually work together. To respond to his teasing and provoking by seeking each other's strengths and weaknesses, exploiting and covering them, as a ninja team should. As he watched them grow he took special care to remember something, a new show of skill, a moment of insight, some little snippet of encouraging news to pass on to their former teacher. Because it pleased Iruka to hear it. And Iruka was in the mission room every day now that the school year had ended.

So _that_ was where Kakashi went when he'd finished with the kids for the day. He lounged in a seat or propped up a wall, half his attention on his book and all of it on the chuunin teacher behind the desk. He wanted to know everything about the man who had so gently and so innocently ensnared him. Every look on that expressive face, every movement of those capable hands, and every nuanced tone in that animated voice. He was a prisoner of love, trapped within the beast, and as he looked at Iruka through its golden eyes, everything he saw was just… beautiful.

As he had for the past few days, Kakashi slouched into the mission room, and slumped into the nearest empty seat to fill out the report on team seven's latest babysitting accomplishment. What could he say? None of the kids had actually sat on the baby, which was good. Although he was sure Naruto had been sorely tempted several times, and Susuke's empathy for the helpless creature, separated from its mother for the first time in its short life, entered rare negative territory. But they had risen to the challenge. Naruto had entertained it, Sakura had soothed its crying and Susuke had changed its stinky diaper with remote cold efficiency. His paperwork done, after a fashion, he read his book, waited for the crowd to thin, and watched.

Iruka had healed well from Mizuki's attack, shedding most of his bandages after the second day, but it was clear that his wounds still troubled him. He rested a hand on the desk to support his weight when lowering himself into a chair, and stood up quickly and stiffly, as if to minimise the duration of the pain. None of this escaped Kakashi's single observant eye. There was something else today too, a nervous jitteriness about the man that wasn't connected to his injuries. Kakashi determined to pry the problem out of him once they were alone.

Unfortunately the shinobi population of Hidden Leaf did not cooperate, instead they hung around in the mission room chatting and gossiping. Four hours later the room was still unusually busy. Iruka's shift would end soon and the teacher was casting anxious glances in his direction. Kakashi let out a long sigh and took a place in line to hand in his report. When he reached the front Iruka looked at him with an intensity that was nothing short of unnerving. He slid his paper over the desk and the teacher laid a trembling hand on top of his, then looking around to make sure that no one was paying attention, whispered in his ear.

"It's been a week."

It had indeed been quite a week. After a shaky start he'd discovered that he actually _liked _these kids, a sentiment that he never would have believed possible. Whether he'd have quite the same opinion if they _didn't_ give him an excuse to talk to Iruka everyday, well maybe that was one underneath he shouldn't explore so deeply.

He murmured in agreement. "Yes it has."

Izumo came to take over the desk position. Iruka pulled his hand away sharply and lowered his eyes. What was with the man today? Then he snatched up the report and without even reading it through, _that_ was a first, date stamped it and crammed it into a manila folder. With obvious agitation and an audible hiss of pain, he stood up and walked around the desk to join Kakashi, his blushing face giving off almost as much heat as his flaring chakra.

Kurenai looked up from her conversation with Anko. "Are you alright Iruka-sensei?"

The normally shy teacher's erratic behaviour was starting to concern Kakashi too. He grabbed his arm firmly.

"I'll take him home."

They vanished in a swirl of vapour and reappeared on the step outside Iruka's apartment. Kakashi felt some of the anxiety, but none of the tension, leave the other man's body. Dark eyes looked into his, unusually round and unusually deep, dark eyes.

"Do you want to eat first, I bought lots of food?"

First? Before what?

He felt Iruka's arms creep around him tentatively. "We had a date, it's been a week."

Realisation dawned on him. Oh. Of course. He'd said they'd have to wait a week for Iruka's wounds to heal before…well… sex. So that's what he was stressing over. Was it really that long already? But it wasn't an option if Iruka was still hurting, he had to make that clear. "I didn't necessarily mean a week week, seven days, it was just, you know… a guideline."

The teacher's voice was weak, almost whiney. "But…but… what other kind of week is there?"

Kakashi didn't want to disappoint him, and God knows he wanted it too, but he wouldn't take any chances. He frowned and took a step back. "Let's go inside."

Iruka fumbled for his key and opened the door. He led the way into a small neatly furnished living room. A large bed with a blue cover was plainly visible through an open door at the far end of the room. Kakashi took a deep breath and consciously looked away from it. The whole place smelled faintly of Iruka, a fresh smell of soap, sunshine and skin. He remembered that smell… it made his heart quicken. Iruka sat down on the sofa, took off his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt.

"I… I don't really want you to see this, but I know you'll want to, and I can't hide it from you."

He slipped the shirt down to his waist and turned his back, revealing a six inch red gash. Kakashi was kneeling behind him in an instant. He ran his third and fourth fingers down the length of the scar then placed a hand on each shoulder and pressed his cloth covered cheek against it, it was warm but not hot, healing well but not yet healed. For a shuriken wound it was a damn big one, deep too. No wonder it still hurt. Unexpectedly he felt Iruka take hold of his right hand and pull it over his shoulder and up to his face. His glove was pulled off and replaced with hot breath and wet kisses. Then he felt a slick tongue between the roots of his fingers, working its way around until it reached his index finger. He let it slide into the soft wet mouth and felt a tongue wrapped around it, licking and sucking, the suggestively rhythmic friction causing a profound response in an entirely different part of his anatomy.

Iruka slowly turned to face him and, still holding his finger gently between his teeth, pulled down his mask. Kakashi sucked in a gasp at the look of exquisite want on the teacher's face, it was something he'd seen described in his Icha Icha books but had never expected to see on a human being. Well he'd said he'd let Iruka set the pace. His hand was released and he let it fall under its own weight, dragging a wet trail down the other man's chin, throat and chest, coming to rest at the waistband of his pants. He curled his fingers under the fabric and pulled Iruka towards him so that their lips met, open-mouthed, tongue slithering over tongue in a hot breathless kiss, their auras meshed together in a vortex of sexual tension. He pressed his tongue deeper, snaking the tip towards Iruka's inner throat, lost in the tastes and textures and wonderful wet warmth that was Umino Iruka.

Possibly for the first time in his life he let his instinct and emotion take over and acted purely on unpremeditated desire, as if his intellectual self was a separate presence in the room, aware but no longer controlling. His hands, both gloveless now, traced a caress up the sides of Iruka's back feeling smooth skin and firm muscle, squeezing out a sigh as he pulled him closer. The beast was commanding him to take Iruka, to love him as a lover should. And he needed Iruka to want him too, just as much. He neededto be _everything_ to his sweet sensei, the perfect lover.

As he looked into the depths of the man's beautiful eyes, Iruka took his hand, pulled him to his feet and led him into the bedroom.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Iruka hated to admit it but his wound hurt. Hell they all hurt, but the one in his back was the worst. He had been tempted to take a few days off so that he could lie still and not aggravate it, but he knew that would be a mistake. An injury like this needed to be moved and stretched as it healed. Otherwise it would form tight scar tissue that would be a permanent weakness. He had another reason for working every day too. Kakashi wasn't leaving the village on missions now. He had started teaching his genin team, so he had a report to turn in _every_ day. Not only that but he came early in the evening and stayed late. Waiting until everyone else had left before giving in his paperwork. Then they could talk about the kids, about other things, hold hands, flirt. He wished they would kiss some more but he knew the other man wouldn't take off his mask in such a public place.

Besides every day was a day closer to 'the day'. 'Better give it a week to heal', that's what Kakashi had said. And today was exactly seven days since he had said it. Iruka's stomach tightened and his groin glowed hot at the thought of _finally_ getting to finish what they'd started in his deserted classroom, before his whole world had gone insane and left him hurt and bleeding and unfucked. He'd been planning for this all week, his ultimate fantasy come true. Kakashi naked in _his _bed. Silver hair and pale skin contrasting with the dark blue cover. At least in his fantasy it was in his bed but he didn't care, he'd be just as happy in Kakashi's. Hell the floor right here behind the mission room desk would be good as long as the door was securely locked.

The mission room was unusually crowded when he saw Kakashi enter, sit down and take out his book. He looked so calm, so cool, was he really not the least bit excited at finally getting to 'the next level'? Of course Sharigan Kakashi was always cool, no one could read him. Only a fool would try. As soon as everyone was gone he'd invite him to dinner, their first real date. He'd bought food to cook, or they could go out, and he'd stocked his fridge with food that didn't need cooking in case that seemed like too much trouble. He had wine too, and sake, and beer, and he could always make tea.

The hours passed but the mission room was still crowded, way too crowded. Couldn't fate give him a break just once? Finally Kakashi put away his book and joined the queue. Iruka barely scanned the papers being handed to him until at last he had Kakashi in front of him, but there were too many people around, too close, he couldn't speak. As a pale half-gloved hand pushed the paper towards him he rested his own hand on it, to keep it there, to keep Kakashi there, while he struggled for what to say and the chance to say it.

As soon as no one was looking in his direction he seized the brief moment, leaning forward and whispering the words that had been on his mind all day. "It's been a week."

Kakashi didn't even blink but answered as if he was agreeing about the weather. "Yes it has."

God the man was cool. But they had to make an arrangement to meet. Where should he go? When? He had to know. Now!

Before he had another chance to speak Izumo was standing next to him and it was time to go. He pulled his hand away before the other chuunin had a chance to see how he was clutching at Kakashi's, date stamped the report and shoved it in the folder. Kakashi took a step back from the desk.

Iruka felt panic rising inside him. Surely Kakashi wouldn't leave? Not now, not just because of all these people? He stood up, too quickly, without balancing his weight first. Shit it hurt. Then walked around the desk, forcing himself to walk not run. His emotions were flaring out of control for everyone to see. Everyone was looking at him. Someone asked him if he was alright.

He heard Kakashi's voice through the confusion. "I'll take him home."

And then he was standing outside his own apartment.

It was ok, he could relax. Maybe Kakashi had manipulated him into this deliberately. His mind scrambled back towards his original plan.

"Do you want to eat first? I bought lots of food."

Kakashi didn't respond. Damn. He must have noticed how much it hurt him when he stood up. Well how could he not have? Iruka put his arms around the other man gently, to show that he was ok, that he was willing, hell more than willing. "We had a date, it's been a week."

Kakashi's answer was much too careful. "I didn't necessarily mean a week week, seven days, it was just, you know… a guideline."

"But…but… what other kind of week is there?" He was fine, he'd show him. Kakashi must have seen worse wounds than this, must have had worse wounds than this. The scar was ugly but he'd have to swallow his pride, he couldn't exactly hide it anyway.

Kakashi's suggestion sounded more like a command. "Let's go inside."

Iruka opened the door, led him inside and stripped down to the waist.

"I… I don't really want you to see this, but I know you'll want to, and I can't hide it from you."

He felt Kakashi touch the scar, Kakashi's hands on his skin. Those skillful powerful fingers that he'd watched doing such mundane tasks. Turning the pages of his book and holding a pen to scratch an untidy signature. Assassin's hands. Kakashi rested a hand on each shoulder. He could feel their strength lighting a fire in the skin beneath. But something was wrong, the gloves. He wanted bare skin against his skin. He reached back, pulled a hand towards him and took off the glove. That was better. Now it wasn't a killer's hand, it was a lover's, his lover's. He kissed the palm and stroked his tongue over the toughened skin, finding the more tender skin between the fingers, taking one into his mouth and feeling it, tasting it. Kakashi _couldn't _deny him now, it would be too cruel.

He turned around and pulled down the mask, wanting to know, needing to know, the answer on the other man's face. It was there. He released his grip on the finger and felt it slide down to his waist.

Suddenly they were kissing, breathless, excited, wanting more, needing more. He could feel his chakra flooding the room and Kakashi's more powerful chakra wrapped around it, folding into it as they swirled together until they were so closely blended that he could feel the exact moment when Kakashi released control. Kakashi was all lover now, every part of him, the assassin had no place here.

Iruka took his lover's pale slender hand and led him into the bedroom. The rest of his pale skin would look just as perfect against the blue cover.


	7. The Beginning

It was still dark when Hatake Kakashi awoke, the last hour of darkness before dawn. He lay still feeling for the disturbance that had roused him. Not a threat, just some slight feeling that things were not quite right. He reached forward and pulled the blue cover over the shoulders of the man lying next to him. So that was it. The discomfort from the chill had caused a slight ripple in Iruka's chakra that he'd detected even in the depths of sleep.

Of course the teacher's feelings had always been easy to read. It was one of the things he loved most about him. Well one of the things he loved, there were so many that he'd be a fool to try to rank them. He snuggled a little closer resting his nose in the crook of the other man's neck, against the firm smooth muscle of his shoulder. Iruka shifted slightly in his sleep, increasing the contact automatically. They were together, life was good.

All his sweetest times had been with him. Stolen kisses behind the file racks in the mission room when he'd just returned safely. Saturday afternoons with the kids, feeding them ramen, teasing them mercilessly and watching Iruka glow with pride at the progress they were making. Sunday mornings when they had a whole day of nothing but each other's company ahead of them. But best of all were the nights they spent together. That's when he would make his lover tremble and gasp with spasms of ecstasy, worshipping his golden brown body with every part, every fibre of his own. Together they could reach that place where their souls blended into one, touching and completing each other at levels few would ever know. His pleasure was Iruka's pleasure, all made so much more exquisite by knowing that Iruka felt exactly the same way. Life was good, love was good, and he loved this man from the bottom of his heart.

Iruka had become stronger too, bolder. Kakashi liked to think that his influence had played a part and it was true that he had led him to discover and unlock pleasures in his body that he might never have otherwise found. But he knew that love, that magnificent beast, was the true reason. It had quickly infected Iruka with its wildness, making him overcome his anxiety, natural at the start of any new relationship, to become a more demanding and assertive lover. Willing to take the lead in some of Kakashi's more outrageous fantasies. Sometimes demanding the lead in fantasies of his own. But even with a whip in one hand and a kunai in the other, his sweetness, kindness and gentleness shone through. Disarming him just as surely it had disarmed Kakashi, his helpless victim, lying naked and chained beneath him. Iruka never hurt him, it was all play. Just as Kakashi had never hurt the other man. Never, from that first time when he'd promised him pleasure without pain. Their love had blended them to the point where neither _could_ hurt the other without doing irreparable harm to himself.

The first grey streaks of dawn were forcing their way into the sky, signaling the inevitable end of another wonderful night. It was time for him to go. To drag himself from the sweet cocoon of Iruka's bed and Iruka's presence and go home. He should have left hours ago. His own apartment was starting to feel like a hotel. An impersonal soulless place to keep his clothes, store his weapons and to return to just frequently enough to claim that he still lived there. Maybe the time had come for them to acknowledge their togetherness. To stop pretending that they had lives separate from each other, beyond the demands of their separate duties.

He sat up carefully, trying to avoid waking his sleeping lover, barely moving the covers as he pulled himself from under them. But Iruka was a ninja too. He rolled over and opened his eyes.

"You're leaving?" There was just a hint of pout on the sweet scarred face."

Kakashi didn't want to leave, he never wanted to leave. "Yeah, big day today, lots to do."

"Will I see you again tonight?" He heard the need in Iruka's voice, under the sleepiness.

It made him pause, one long lean leg already stretched out of the bed. Maybe now was as good a time as any. "How would you like me to come back every night?"

Iruka jerked upright and stared at him, eyes round, almost black, in the dim light. "You mean…"

Yes that's what he meant. "Yeah we should move in together, it would save me a lot of running around."

"Are… are you sure that's what you want?" This time the emotion in the teacher's voice was plain and clear. Doubt. Doubt that he would give up his independence?

He'd always been a loner, even as a child. Relishing the quiet calm of his solitude, the freedom to keep his own eccentric hours, his own eccentric habits and the liberties that came with being answerable to no one but himself. But that was before. Before Iruka. Now, when they were together, he felt a peaceful contentment that calmed his soul the way no mere quiet could. When he was away he counted the days, the hours until he could be with him again. And he even ate regular meals at regular times, wore warm clothes in cold weather and promised not to take unnecessary risks, because he wanted Iruka to be happy. He lived to make Iruka happy, he would die to make him happy and he would kill anyone who threatened his happiness.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He already had.

"But… but won't you want to have children someday?"

"No."

Hell no. Genius and madness were kissing cousins and his bloodline had suffered from far too much of both.

"Will you?"

He asked the question cautiously, keeping his voice neutral. So this was his sticking point. Iruka was a born nurturer, a natural parent. Was it fair to ask him to give up any chance of fatherhood? Kakashi knew that the monster was a creator much more than a destroyer, that love's power to create was its greatest strength. But love between two men, no matter how true, how complete, and how natural to both of them, could never create a child. How safe was it to defy the beast's most basic urge?

Iruka shook his head. "I already have children. As many as I can cope with," he lowered his eyes and a blush darkened the skin above his scar, "sometimes a lot more."

Well it was a good answer but he had to be sure. Kakashi looked at him closely, analysing every detail of his face with the sharigan, searching for doubts, uncertainties, even unconscious ones, especially unconscious ones. When he saw none he leaned over and kissed him. A kiss full on the lips. Not the kind of kiss he wanted, but that might lead to… other things, and he really didn't have time.

Now to dress and hurry to the monument. He had a lot to discuss with his old friend.

"So we'll see each other later today, we're still working on the chuunin tests remember. And today's our half anniversary, we'll have a lot to celebrate tonight."

Indeed he did have a lot to celebrate. It was the beginning of a new era, one as a lover in a whole new sense of the word. A life's partner for the rest of his life, and for the first time in his memory, he really cared how long that might be.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A loss of contact made Iruka stir. It was so slight that had the movement been a sound it would have been inaudible, but that contact was the most precious thing in his life. He turned to face the direction that, until a moment before, had been a source of comfort and warmth. Kakashi _was _still there. On weekdays he usually left a few hours before dawn. To prepare for the day? Do something, heavens knows what. Naruto complained about his chronic lateness all the time so something must fill those missing hours. Maybe he just needed time alone.

"You're leaving?"

Of course he was, he always left. Iruka chastised himself for feeling this twinge of disappointment. A year ago he would have been content with a single glance from the man and now he resented him leaving his bed less than an hour short of a full night. A glorious night, they all were. Was he really so greedy for the man's love and the pleasure he brought him that was unwilling to let him have a life beyond the things they did together in these blue sheets?

"Yeah, big day today, lots to do."

Well that was true. It was a busy time of the year for everyone. Particularly since Hidden Leaf was hosting the chuunin trials soon. As one of the chuunin committee members he had a lot to do too. It would probably be a good idea to get there early and start on some paperwork. But a long day of work deserved an evening of rest and recreation.

"Will I see you again tonight?" Although he was already fairly confident of the answer Iruka still couldn't resist asking.

That was one thing, the only thing, that Iruka could be sure of. That Kakashi would come back. He still didn't really understand his lover, maybe he never would completely, never could. The man was too veiled and the layers of his personality too complex. But he was sure that Kakashi would always come back. The jounin's mind might be a closed book, but he had opened his heart to him and Iruka knew by now that his place in it was secure.

"How would you like me to come back every night?"

He sat up suddenly, that had got his attention. Come back every night? As in here? Make this his home? Live together in one apartment, one address, one bed. "You mean…"

"Yeah we should move in together, it would save me a lot of running around."

His heart missed a beat. Oh god, he must still be asleep and dreaming. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. To be Kakashi's fuckbuddy was one thing, a really wonderful thing. But to be _the _acknowledged lover and partner of Sharigan Hatake, that was incomprehensible. So far beyond anything that he had ever hoped for that he sat stunned, trying to pull some sense out of the air sparkling around him.

"Are… are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

The answer was so quick, so glib. It just couldn't be that easy. Kakashi was the last of the Hatake geniuses, son of the White Fang of Konoha. He had a bloodline to continue, a legacy.

"But… but won't you want to have children someday?"

"No."

There was a finality to the word that left Iruka speechless. It took him a moment to realise that Kakashi was still talking.

"Will you?"

Well that was easy to answer. "I already have children. As many as I can cope with, sometimes a lot more."

It was true. Sandaime had entrusted the future of Konoha into his care. Every one of the little leaves was his child just as much as they were their parent's. In some ways more. Where their parents had created a child, it was for him to create a ninja. And his academy students were ninjas first, children second. It was his job to pour his knowledge and his skill into them, so that they would be properly prepared for the shinobi life, be able to fulfil their duties for their village. And to live to tell about it. Few parents were required to be as strict, as dedicated, and as brutally loving as he was. Naruto was almost a full time job by himself, and he wasn't even really his student anymore.

He could see the sharigan whirring, glowing faintly in the dim morning light. He was held, transfixed by its power. His heart sank. Was this some kind of test? Did Kakashi really want them to live together or was this just some cruel Hatake mind game to check out… what? His loyalty? His love? Suddenly the whirring stopped. Kakashi had closed his eye. As Iruka was pulling his senses back into some kind of order, Kakashi kissed him.

Then he was speaking to him from the other side of the room.

"So well see each other later today, we're still working on the chuunin tests remember. And today's our half anniversary, we'll have a lot to celebrate tonight."

If it _was_ a test it seemed he'd passed.

Six months, half a year, all of a lifetime. Before Kakashi he had been living but had never been fully alive. When he'd first developed his stupid crush on him so long ago, from the few times he'd seen him in the mission room, was it because he had seen this reality underneath? Had his heart known what his mind would never have dared to consider?

That it was their destiny to be together all along.


	8. The End

Kakshi was the last to arrive at the chuunin-trial meeting. No one seemed surprised. He smirked under his mask, bet they'd all have been shocked if he was early. Every high ranking leaf ninja was there, and despite their calculated nonchalance, he was picking up quite a bit of tension and excitement. Well it was a big event. Several years had passed since the last time Hidden leaf had hosted the trials. As the largest and most powerful ninja village they would all be expected to rise beyond expectations, to create a spectacle and a challenge that would be remarked on in the ninja world for years.

He noticed Iruka standing near the Hokage, looking exceptionally pert and in control, in his official capacity as an exam administrator. A possessive pride welled within him. He doubted that any of the jounins present could handle the organisation and paperwork half as efficiently. He certainly couldn't. He'd be sure to mention it later, when he got the man alone. Personal compliments like that always made his favourite chuunin flushed and flustered in a way that he found quite irresistible. Not that he'd ever tried particularly hard to resist. And there was a quiet corridor in the floor above with a dark alcove that would be perfect for some serious touching and teasing.

The meeting started, a strange blend of rigid ritual and total informality. Instructions were given out as to who should guard where, who should guard whom, who should judge and referee which section of the exam. So Morino Ibiki was doing the first test again, whoa that was tough. He wondered if it had been Iruka's idea. The teacher didn't seem to have that kind of meanness in him. Of course none of this applied to him, he was a jounin-sensei this time. His team was his duty.

Kakashi's thoughts were interrupted by the Hokage, asking if the three jounin-senseis wanted to nominate any of the new genins. He was up. He stepped forward without adjusting his customary slouch by so much as a millimeter.

"The Kakashi led team 7, Uchiha Sassuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura. Under the name of Hatake Kakashi I nominate them to take the chuunin selection exam."

He heard Iruka gasp. Well it was hardly surprising. In spite of his regular updates the teacher could have no idea how much the kids had grown, how competent they'd become, and how hungry they were for greater challenges. At least Sasuke and Naruto were hungry. Sakura still lacked confidence, but this would be the perfect experience to stretch her beyond her comfort zone. True the exam was dangerous but he doubted they'd get far enough to be at any serious risk. And if they did? Then that in itself was proof that they were ready. Actually he deliberately hadn't told Iruka of his plan to put the kids forward. He'd sort of been saving this as a surprise treat.

He stepped back as Kurenai and Asuma announced their teams too. So all nine of the rookies had been nominated. . He had to agree with the Hokage, how rare. But if the other six were as good as his he wasn't surprised. It would make for an interesting competition.

Suddenly he was blasted by a flare in Iruka's chakra. The others noticed it too, not as strongly, but they weren't fine-tuned to him the way he was.

"Hold on a second."

Everyone became very quiet, very still. It wasn't like the shy teacher to interrupt like this, and they all knew it.

The Hokage looked over at him, wrinkled brow wrinkled even further with concern. "What is it Iruka?"

Kakashi could feel Iruka trying to rein in his chakra. He was sweating with the effort and with his erupting emotions. "Hokage-sama, please let me have a word with you."

Kakashi turned towards him, blanched with sudden concern. What on earth was the problem? Was his lover sick? From the anxiety he was picking up he felt as if he was dying. Should he grab him and take him home, or to the hospital?

"I may be speaking out of place but most of these nine were students of mine at the academy. Of course they are all very talented but it's too early to take the exam. They need more experience. I can't understand the jounin's reasoning."

His eyes sought Kakashi's as he said the last sentence. There was a plea in them and in his voice. Kakashi felt cold anger rising inside him. Iruka had almost given him a heart attack for this? Because he was fussing over these damn kids? He was disappointed, and hurt to, that the other man didn't trust his judgement.

He kept his voice low and even. "I became a chuunin when I was six years younger than Naruto."

Iruka almost lost it, practically yelling at him. "Naruto is different to you. Are you trying to crush these kids? The chuunin exam is…"

This was intolerable. Iruka had no idea what he was talking about. They weren't schoolchildren anymore. The kids deserved this. They'd _proven_ themselves worthy. "They're always complaining about the missions. Experiencing some pain may be good for them… crushing them could be fun."

Iruka's reaction sent a pulse through the whole room. "What!"

Ok, maybe he'd overdone it a little too. "That was a joke Iruka-sensei. I can understand your feelings, it must upset you but…"

The other jounin-senseis were muttering, he ignored them pointedly. This was between him and Iruka now.

"Stay out of this. They are no longer your students… right now they are my soldiers."

Iruka flushed scarlet. Kakashi of course was the only one who knew that his distress was caused by more than anxiety about the rookies. He bristled inside, refusing to feel guilty. The teacher bowed stiffly and left without another word. Everyone stood in awkward silence then gradually started to leave too. Kakashi didn't move, standing in his usual slouch, until the room had emptied. When he finally went outside he saw Iruka waiting.

"Iruka." The tone came out harsher than he had intended.

The teacher took a few steps closer but kept his eyes fixed on the ground. He raised a hand to his throat, rubbing at it, as if it was painful to speak.

"Kakashi, I can't believe you did that. You humiliated me. In front of the Hokage, in front of everyone. I… I thought I meant more to you than that."

Now Kakashi knew why he had reacted to Iruka's outburst the way he had. "Don't ever use our relationship to try to manipulate me Iruka. I'm a master at manipulation myself, it will only make me angry."

I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

The teacher was really hurting. He could feel the waves of disturbance throbbing through his chakra.

And all at once Kakashi understood that this just wasn't going to work. He'd been right all along. There was a reason why he had always led such a lone existence. He'd warned Iruka that getting involved with a jounin might cause him grief. This wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind but the principle was the same. Jounins made risky and difficult decisions all the time, about their lives, about their subordinates' lives. And sometimes they, or their subordinates, were hurt. Sometimes they died.

He couldn't be free to make those decisions with Iruka's happiness, the most important thing in his life, hanging over him. This was how he lived, it was what he did, what he was. If it was going to make the man he loved unhappy then he couldn't stay with him.

So this was it, the end. He closed his eyes and silently teleported away. Now there was one more thing he had to do before taking the chuunin applications to the kids.

Kakashi entered Iruka's empty apartment as he usually did, through the window. He removed the few items of clothing that he had left there, his toothbrush, and the weapons he'd strategically placed in and under the bed. He would leave no trace. No reminders to provoke sadness or regret. It had been a mistake to think that he could have this kind of happiness. He would never cause Iruka grief or embarrassment again, because Iruka would never see him again. There were advantages to being a genius ninja, if Sharigan Hatake didn't want to be seen he wouldn't be seen. Of course he would still love the teacher, watch over him, protect him. But it would be from the shadows now.

He left through the door, looking back before he closed it behind him. At the living room, the couch, the bedroom beyond. The cover on the bed. That particular blue would be a hard colour from now on.

It wasn't Iruka who'd challenged his judgement. It was the beast.

Iruka had lots of children. He may not be their father but as their teacher he'd played his part in creating them too. And Kakashi had put those children in danger, because he had to. It was a necessary danger that would make them strong. And the shinobi life required strength. It was hard but it was true. He was their jounin-sensei and he was doing his job.

But in doing so he'd angered the monster, and now it was finished with him. It had shown him its greatest glory, its full splendor. Then once, just once he'd dared to measure his strength against it and it had taken his heart, the only part it had ever wanted, and eliminated what was left. No wonder he felt like shit.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Iruka was glad that he'd got an early start on things. The first of the jounins were already wandering into the great meeting room. Not Kakashi of course, although it would have been nice to have a few minutes to chat with him informally before everyone arrived. But then again maybe not. Informal chat wasn't exactly the man's strongest point. Before long he'd be picking up meaningful glances from that intense uncovered eye. Then he'd start blushing and stammering and make a fool of himself.

That was the one thing he didn't want to risk today. He'd been entrusted with the bulk of the organisation involved in the most prestigious event in Konoha's recent history, and it was vitally important to him that it should go smoothly. His emotions always ran high at times like this. Uncontrolled emotions were a terrible liability in a shinobi and he knew that his were his greatest weakness. But he wanted Konoha to be proud of him today. And more than that, so much more, he wanted Kakashi to be proud of him.

That was the main reason why he had taken on this huge task in the first place, the chance to make Kakashi proud. The chance to show that he was more than just a chuunin schoolteacher. He could never match Sharigan Hatake as a shinobi, he wouldn't try to, the man was without equal. But _he _had his strengths too.

The Hokage entered and sat at his massive desk, wearing his full official regalia. Iruka's chest tightened. Surely Kakashi wouldn't actually be late! Not today!

Then he noticed him standing to the side with Kurenai and Asuma. When had he arrived? He'd been watching for him so carefully. Even in the most simple things the man had a way of perplexing and confusing him.

With unspoken understanding, everyone was ready for the meeting to start. The usual stuff, assignment of duties, guards for the foreign notables, extra street-patrols, judges. He wasn't at all happy to hear that Hayate would be refereeing the third contests. It was intense work and the arena was dusty, especially with hyped up nins showing their stuff with explosive jutsus all over the place. He'd pushed for Kakashi to take that job, or Asuma, as jounin-senseis they were officially exempt but they wouldn't actually have anything much else to do.

Finally they were done, and it had all gone better than he had any right to expect. Now if only the trials themselves go half as well. Having gennins from other villages in Konoha, anxious to show off, was always a recipe for trouble. Nothing left but the genin nominations.

The Hokage was speaking now, "I don't have to tell you but after a genin has successfully completed at least eight missions, they may compete in the chuunin exam if nominated by their sensei."

Of course more missions than that is the norm. He doesn't need to ask, they aren't ready.

"Now, starting with Kakashi."

"The Kakashi led team 7, Uchiha Sassuke, Uvumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura. Under the name of Hatake Kakashi I nominate them to take the chuunin selection exam."

What did he just hear? "What?"

Did Kakashi just nominate his kids for the exam? Kurenai and Asuma then stepped up and nominated their kids too. This was insane, there was no way they could be ready. What was happening? Surely the Hokage would say something. The old man was obviously thinking about it.

"Hmm, all of them, how rare."

That was it, he was going to accept the nominations? Iruka's heart started beating way too fast. He had to do something, say something.

"Hold on a second."

The Hokage's knowing old eyes turned towards him. He could feel the years of experience behind them. "What is it Iruka?"

Iruka knew he was speaking out of turn. Breaking all protocol, but he just couldn't let this happen without at least _saying _something. His concern for the kids, his respect for his leader, his training to obey without question, were all jumbled and conflicted inside him. They were too young, kids died in these trials. Kids he had known had died.

"Hokage-sama, please let me have a word with you."

Kakashi was looking at him too. Everyone was looking at him. He swallowed hard

"I may be speaking out of place but most of these nine were students of mine at the academy. Of course they are all very talented but it's too early to take the exam. They need more experience. I can't understand the jounin's reasoning."

He looked to Kakashi for a hint of reassurance, and instead saw… anger.

"I became a chuunin when I was six years younger than Naruto."

Why was he doing this, Kakashi was a genius, a prodigy. No one should be judged by his standards. "Naruto is different to you. Are you trying to crush these kids? The chuunin exam is…"

He looked at Kakashi's white hands, the assassin's hands. He felt as if they were around his throat, he couldn't breath. Was this how Kakashi's enemies felt when those hands were on them? When he was killing with quiet cold-blooded fury?

"They're always complaining about the missions. Experiencing some pain may be good for them… crushing them could be fun."

He was just able to choke out a single word. "What!"

The voice softened a little but it was as chilling as ever. He stood transfixed by his lover's one eyed gaze. But there was no love in it, just cold ruthless insistence.

"That was a joke Iruka-sensei. I can understand your feelings, it must upset you but…stay out of this. They are no longer your students… right now they are my soldiers."

Under stand? How could he understand and still be this cruel? Iruka felt his face burning. The Hokage, the exam, everything was forgotten. All his thoughts were on Kakashi as he trembled under his unyielding gaze. He hadn't been this afraid of Mizuki when he was moving in for his deathblow, before Naruto blasted him aside. He bowed awkwardly then left, using all his control to walk, not run.

Once outside he stood in the sunshine, breathing the bright air in great gulps.

He had no idea how long he'd been standing there when he became aware of a familiar presence. He felt the pressure returning to his throat again.

"Iruka."

The chill in his voice sent a shiver down Iruka's spine. But he couldn't acknowledge fear of his lover, not even to himself. He reached into the great swirl of emotions inside him, none of them good. He didn't care which one came up on top, as long as it didn't involve screaming or crying.

"Kakashi, I can't believe you did that. You humiliated me. In front of the Hokage, in front of everyone. I… I thought I meant more to you than that."

"Don't ever use our relationship to try to manipulate me Iruka. I'm a master at manipulation myself, it will only make me angry."

Manipulate? Is that what he thought? Wasn't it obvious he couldn't control his own emotions, let alone anyone else's? So that was why Kakashi was so angry. "I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

He felt a change in Kakashi's intent as the anger melted away. So he did understand. It would be ok, they'd talk this all out sensibly. Then suddenly Kakashi was gone.

He was an idiot. Kakashi was a jounin, the best of them, he was just a chuunin. As lovers they were equals and he'd got too used to that, to being treated as an equal. He'd let himself forget that as shinobi the distance between them was too wide to measure. The fear he'd felt was a natural response to the man's raw power. He should be flattered that he'd been able to provoke a flash of it. If Kakashi felt the kids were ready he should trust him. He wasn't like Mizuki, he wouldn't turn against him. He could always trust Kakashi.

He'd explain all this the next time he saw him. When he came back. Because Kakashi always came back.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Author's Note. No not actually the end. There will be one more snapshot.


	9. The Spirit of Fire

Kakashi strolled purposefully from the Memorial towards the Hokage Momument. From two dead friends to a dead sensei and a dead mentor. Hayate's death wasn't his fault, so why did it feel so much as if it was. If Hayate hadn't been sick… if he hadn't insisted on carrying on a full load of duties regardless… None of this was his fault, but at the same time he felt that there had to be something, some other choice he could have made somewhere… As he should have, and didn't, for Obito.

He quickened his pace a little, the service would be starting soon and for once he didn't want to be late.

He wasn't. It was a somber and moving sight, everyone paying resects. Everyone in the village had lost a father figure. Konohamaru had lost his whole family. The bereft little boy was sobbing uncontrollably, cradled against Iruka, who stood out in the ranks of black like a beacon of compassion. Kakashi watched as Iruka pulled the little boy's face against his chest, rounding one shoulder over him protectively, whilst he used the other hand to rub his back in slow soothing circles. He envied the poor kid.

Naruto was there too, still beaten and bruised from his recent battles. So the boy _could_ be subdued, he sincerely hoped he'd never see him like this again. Teacher and former student were deep in conversation, so he edged away, not wanting to intrude. But Iruka turned sharply towards him and raised his voice a little. Obviously this was intended for him too.

"…it isn't a complex idea, anyone with these bonds would be like this, because they cherish it."

Naruto frowned, any idea was complex for him. But to give him credit, he forged bonds faster and firmer than anyone he'd ever known. "Mm… I think I understand what you're trying to say." Then he turned to face him, so he'd sensed his jounin-sensei's presence in the large crowd. The kid was improving. "But death really is a painful thing."

Now Kakashi wished he _had_ eavesdropped on them, he'd have to be very careful what he said. "Sandaime didn't die for nothing, He left us some very important things indeed. One day you'll understand." He hoped Iruka hadn't been too specific in his talk about bonds.

But Naruto seemed satisfied at least. His face brightened to something closer to his normal grin.

"I know, even if I don't really understand. But I feel the same way."

There was a pause, a still moment between the man and the boy, as everyone started to disperse. Kakashi took the opportunity to flee to where Sakura and Sasuke were waiting. Had Iruka mentioned people who broke their bonds? He knew he'd made the right decision when he'd left him, so just why did it feel so horribly bad?

Naruto yelled his goodbye to the teacher and hurried over to join them. He ruffled the boy's hair and, against his better judgement, looked back towards Iruka. The teacher was standing alone now, looking so brave, so resolute and so terribly terribly sad. Kakashi sighed, he just couldn't run away from him, not now, not like this. So he told the kids to go home for the rest of the day then slowly, very slowly, walked back.

They stood, side by side, looking up at the four great men looking down. His former lover didn't acknowledge him with so much as a glance, he didn't need to. They'd been close enough, long enough, to understand.

Eventually he heard Iruka speak, sounding raw and husky. "I haven't seen you in a long time."

Kakashi's voice was shaky too. "No."

Of course they'd been in the same room after the second chuunin test was complete, but he'd taken care to keep his distance, to stay with the other jounins. Conversing with Gai, as much as such a thing was possible, had allowed him to avoid any eye contact. It really didn't count.

Suddenly Iruka rounded on him, catching him off guard with the intensity of his grief and anger. "That's it? No! That's all you've got to say to me. We have _one_ disagreement, ok an ugly public one, and you were right by the way the kids _were_ ready, and so you just vanish on me. And… and now you think you can just say 'no' and disappear again?"

Kakashi had been ready for this much at least. His chest tightened into a hard lump inside as he spoke the prepared words. "I can't stay with you Iruka, you'll only end up hurt, worse than you're hurting now. I can't live with making you unhappy."

Bright sparks flashed in the teacher's eyes, or maybe it was just tears catching the low angled light of the afternoon sun. "You understand less than Naruto. Ha! The great Sharigan Hatake, I would never have taken you to be such a damn coward."

Kakashi calmly regarded the man standing in front of him. He would have liked to uncover his eye to try to decipher the overwhelming emotions that he could sense sweeping through Iruka's chakra. But he couldn't help feeling that the sheer strength of the other man's passions might melt it.

"A coward?"

Iruka lowered his voice to a whisper, a dangerously low, controlled whisper.

"Yes, you heard me. A damn coward. You think that love is all hot heavy sex and rainbows and sunshine and never saying you're sorry like it is in those damn books of yours? Well it isn't. When you open your heart to someone like… like I did to you, and like I thought you did to me, you've got to expect to get it wounded once in a while. I'm only human and I'm going to argue and misunderstand, and sometimes even hate you for a while, and it's going to hurt like hell. But you can't just cut and run. Love is hard work, you have to stay and work it out and in the end that's what makes love stronger and… and what makes lovers closer"

He looked up at him suddenly, fixing him with a stare steadier than the sharigan. "Maybe you just never wanted to be that close."

Now that was unfair, unjust. Kakashi knew everything about his emotions. He had been analysing and examining them since he was a child. They were like jewels that a miser kept in a box and took out to look at everyday until he knew every facet and sparkle and glimmer. He knew exactly what he wanted, exactly what he'd given up.

"You know how much I love you Iruka."

Finally Iruka looked away. Staring at the ground as if his sandalled feet were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. Kakashi saw a tear leak out of his left eye. The teacher's hand shot up to wipe it away instantly, as if it was a traitor, a deserter that had to be eliminated.

When he looked back his eyes were softer, pleading. "Yes I do. That's what makes it all so damn hard."

Then Kakashi felt Iruka's rage flare up again. He was almost knocked back by the sudden explosion.

"But go away if that's what you want to do. I wouldn't want you to think that I'm _manipulating_ you."

Iruka was close to loosing it. Kakashi couldn't let that happen, not here. Where could he take him that was safe and private? There must be a place where the other man would feel free to curse and scream at him as he obviously needed to. He wrapped his arms around him, tingling at the embrace despite the wretchedness of the circumstances, and transported him into his empty classroom.

Once they were in Iruka's territory he felt him relax, like a rebellious two year old when the fight goes out of him.

"I'm sorry Iruka, I just don't want to hurt you any more. I thought you'd be over me by now."

A vibration buzzed through the teacher's body as he chuckled softly, sadly. "For a genius you can be really slow. Don't you understand? I'll never be over you. I know it sounds goddam corny but you really are the love of my life."

The love of his life?

Of course. He'd miscalculated badly. Underestimated the monster's strength. And its cunning. He'd known that he'd love Iruka until the day he died, the first time he'd held him. Why would he assume the teacher would feel differently?

They were soulmates. So different yet so perfectly matched. Reason against passion, thinking against feeling, shadow against sunshine. They complimented and completed each other. Iruka had everything he lacked and so badly needed, and even more desperately wanted. And the place they came together was called love, the belly of the beast. Maybe it wasn't too late, the beast might still let him back in. If Iruka still wanted him.

So Sandaime had brought the two of them back together. He was still taking care of his own, even in death.

"Yes, I think I do understand. Now. I just needed someone smarter than me to explain it, that's all."

He looked around at the familiar four walls with its hard benches and ancient scratched desktops. The air forever tainted with the lingering scent of adolescence. This was the place where he'd spent so many hours watching Iruka grade papers, prepare lessons, anything. Just to be with him.

Iruka was the love of his life. He might be Konoha's most deadly assassin but love was something even he hadn't been able to kill.

Iruka looked up at him, dark eyes still reddened by unshed tears. "No you just needed the right teacher."

Tan fingers pulled down his mask and he felt soft lips against his. He pressed into them, grinding their bodies together as Iruka hooked his arms behind his ribs, pressing the palms of his hands against the back of his shoulders to draw them closer together, urging him on with his obvious unspoken need. Kakashi's heart was pounding too, as he struggled to control his perfectly trained body. Every cell glorying in being back within the other's aura, screaming its need for him.

Then Iruka smiled, that wonderful sweet smile that never failed to bring sunshine into his life on even so dark a day as this. "Well I suppose there's something I should ask."

Kakashi looked at him solemnly, barefaced. He'd answer anything, however painful. The kind of honesty required between true lovers wouldn't be easy for him to master, but he was determined. And he might as well get started now.

"Go ahead."

"So… do you want to fuck?"

Thank God. The other man had asked first, he might have been afraid to, after all this time. In truth he was desperate. He had known since he was far too young that it was the way men like them grieved best, reaffirmed life in the midst of death. Because he'd spent far too much of his life dealing with grief.

"Hell yes! Your place of mine?"

"Mine's closer, but didn't we once talk about combining the two?"

Combining the two, sharing their lives just as they shared their bodies. A natural progression for true love to take. "Yeah, maybe that's a good idea after all. Then if I'm ever such a fool again you'll be able to punish me properly."

His reward was immediate as Iruka's cheeks glowed pink and he lowered his long dark lashes.

He was allowed to have Iruka after all. Allowed to be happy. Love was a monster that couldn't be tamed, but maybe it could be trained. If he was patient enough, and cunning enough, he could find a way to guide it to tear open a new path forward into the future. A path that was wide enough for two but too narrow for one.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sandaime's funeral was the saddest possible end to the saddest part of Iruka's adult life. And just a few months ago he'd been so damned happy. It seemed like a distant dream. Now the man who'd saved him from the depths of despair as a child had left him, as the other man had. He hugged little Konohamaru closer as Sandaime's grandson sobbed into his chest. He needed the contact as much as the boy did. Konohamaru was crying for both of them. But as he did he remembered how Sandaime had made him strong, shown him that his strength came from the whole village, not just one man, no matter how strong that man might be.

As if on cue he felt Kakashi slide into position in the crowd behind him. Was he watching him, or Naruto? Or was he consumed with his own grief like everyone else? Naruto, usually an irrepressible ball of sunshine was as wretched as anyone. It was hardly surprising, Sandaime was one of the very few who'd accepted the kyuubi boy as one of the village's own.

Naruto turned to him, his blue eyes sad, so sad. "Why people sacrifice their own lives for others?"

A hard question, and for a ninja not just an academic one. It deserved the most honest answer he had.

"When a person dies they lose everything. The past, present life, the future, all will be lost… a lot of peole die in battle, or while on a mission. And they might also die of a simple reason… Hayate was one of those people. Among all those who are dead there are some who have dreams, goals…but everyone has something that is most important to them… Parents, siblings, friends, lovers, people of the village, these are very important people… We trust each other, help each other, we come in contact with these bonds from the day we're born. As we grow these bonds also grow, and become stronger."

He became acutely aware of Kakashi's presence. Was he listening or lost in his own thoughts? He raised his voice, he wanted him to hear, "…it isn't a complex idea, anyone with these bonds would be like this, because they cherish it."

He could feel Kakashi moving closer as the boy answered. At least he was willing to accept that _Naruto_ needed him now. "Mm… I think I understand what you're trying to say. But death really is a painful thing."

Kakashi's response was careful, measured, just like every damn thing the man did. "Sandaime didn't die for nothing, He left us some very important things indeed. One day you'll understand."

Thank goodness Naruto didn't have the sophistication to be put off by his damn slickness.

"I know, even if I don't really understand. But I feel the same way."

And Kakashi was gone, without exchanging a single word.

Naruto said goodbye then ran over to join the rest of his team. He was happier now. There was hope for the future. Iruka looked up at the image carved into the cliff face. Somehow it seemed as if the old man himself was watching. Sandaime, the spirit of fire you speak of, it seems it has been passed down to the Konoha ninjas. The small fires in Konoha will become big fires, and one day will become the next generation Hokage.

His job was to tend those small fires and help them grow. He just wished he didn't have to do it quite so alone. He knew his bonds to the village were strong, but the bond he wanted most right now was the one that had been completely shattered.

He was interrupted from his musing by a familiar presence beside him. Kakashi had come back. Iruka knew he'd be the one to break the silence.

"I haven't seen you in a long time."

"No."

He felt rage building inside him, swallowing his grief with hotter and more immediate pain.

"That's it? No! That's all you've got to say to me. We have one disagreement, ok an ugly public one, and you were right by the way, the kids _were_ ready, and so you just vanish on me. And… and now you think you can just say 'no' and disappear again?"

"I can't hurt you Iruka, I can't live with making you unhappy."

Not make him unhappy! Did he think ditching him without a word would make him glad?

"You understand less than Naruto. Ha! The great Sharigan Hatake, I would never have taken you to be such a damn coward."

"A coward?"

"Yes, you heard me. A Damn coward." Iruka was whispering now, a dangerously low controlled whisper, completely at odds with the wild scream he could feel inside him.

"You think that love is all hot heavy sex and rainbows and sunshine and never saying you're sorry like it is in those damn books of yours? Well it isn't. When you open your heart to someone like… like I did to you, and like I thought you did to me, you've got to expect to get it wounded once in a while. I'm only human and I'm going to argue and misunderstand, and sometimes even hate you for a while, and it's going to hurt like hell. But you can't just cut and run. Love is hard work, you have to stay and work it out and in the end that's what makes love stronger and… and what makes lovers closer."

He wanted an explanation, perhaps even an apology, and at the same time he wanted to hurt Kakashi the way he'd been hurt. "Maybe you just never wanted to be that close."

"You know how much I love you Iruka."

Yes he did, he always had. He could hear it in his voice and see it in his eye, feel it in the sad flickers in the man's aura as he stood next to him. He knew Kakashi loved him, and he knew now that he had left him _because_ he loved him. And it was killing him to be loved that much and yet deprived of love because of it. Pain cut through him like a knife and a tear forced its way free and trickled down a hot red cheek. He scrubbed it away angrily with the back of his hand.

"Yes I do. That's what makes it all so damn hard."

He felt the world closing in, dark red, suffocating. It was all too much. Loosing Kakashi and loosing Sandaime and Konohamaru's snot still shining on the front of his clothes, and so many dead and injured friends and comrades and Sasuke almost stolen away by the foul creature Orochimaru. And now Kakashi telling him that he still loved him but being too damn… _something_ to stay and be his lover when he needed him the way he'd never needed anyone before.

"But go away if that's what you want to do. I wouldn't want you to think that I'm _manipulating_ you."

He felt himself folded into Kakashi's arms and he was in a quiet familiar place. His classroom.

Kakashi's voice rumbled through him like the purr of a tiger. "I'm sorry, I just don't want to hurt you any more. I thought you'd be over me by now."

Then Iruka was laughing, almost sobbing. Over him? How could Kakashi possibly think that he would ever be over him? "For a genius you can be really slow. Don't you understand? I'll never be over you. I know it sounds goddam corny but you really are the love of my life."

Kakashi continued to hold him as if he was a fragile treasure that he was shielding from a rioting crowd. Iruka would have felt offended by his smothering if only it hadn't felt so good.

It was a moment before he answered. "Yes, I think I do understand. Now. I just needed someone smarter than me to explain it, that's all."

Light was starting to come back into Iruka's world. "No you just needed the right teacher."

He reached up to slide down the mask and brush his lips against the other man's. He was met with an immediate bruising response. Kakashi's chakra shimmered in waves as he released the day's grief and sorrow and much much more. This was where they had first kissed, where they had first both realised that there was more between them than simple lust or chemistry. They were lovers in the truest sense of the word. Whether they accepted it or not, they had belonged to each other their whole lives and would belong to each other for as long as they lived.

Iruka took in a long ragged breath, it was going to be ok. Sandaime was gone but Kakashi had come back to him. His most precious people were safe. But right now was a time for finding comfort in each other for their mutual grief. He hugged Kakashi closer so that he could feel the stress in the other man's body, like a tightly coiled spring. It's strength and flexibility an inseparable part of the tension, for all his apparent laziness. A shiver ran through him as he started to feel a familiar heat and a familiar need.

Then Kakashi rolled his pelvis against his. Hard. The unexpected friction made him choke out the air in a sudden gasp, accompanied by a flash of coloured sparks behind his eyes. Fireworks, Kakashi's firworks. He'd missed them too. He was feeling molten inside, liquid heat flowing into his groin and adding to its rapidly swelling hardness.

"Well I suppose there's something I should ask."

Kakashi looked at him seriously, solemnly, without the slightest hint of his usual offhandedness. "Go ahead."

"So… do you want to fuck?"

Kakashi's pale skin coloured pink. This blushing must be contagious. "Hell yes! Your place of mine?"

"Mine's closer, but didn't we once talk about combining the two?"

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea after all." He watched his lover's face light up, all his features curving upwards into his wonderful, beautiful smile. "Then if I'm ever such a fool again you'll be able to punish me properly."

Iruka blushed. Only Kakashi could make a dirty joke out of a situation like this. And he loved him for it. Just as he loved him for everything that was Kakashi.

It was strange feeling so much grief and so much joy at the same time, but not unnatural. It seemed somehow right to acknowledge the passing of a loved one by acknowledging life and love in such a basic way. And while Iruka knew from experience that the sting of grief would diminish with time, the bond of love could only grow. They were Konoha ninjas and the spirit of fire burned bright within them both.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A.N. 'Spose it's a bit late to add this in, as everyone has probably already finished. But thanks to all for reading and sharing your opinions. I will sneakily admit at this point that part of me would have liked to leave this at the end of chap 8. But the bad karma from my inbox would have laid me up for a week. Anyhows, thanks again. I didn't really intend this to be more than the first little spapshot, but I'm gratified by the response.


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